The Best of 2018

Celebrating new music is important. In the subculture, we are constantly faced with a chorus of people who will tell you that the genres are dead and that there is nothing good coming out anymore. This opinion alone indicts how out of touch a person can be. There is a deluge of incredible new music coming out every year and it is important to take the time to praise the work of those who contribute to the subculture's sonic archive.

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Adam Abou-Heif
(Owner of Material World Records & Tapes, founder of Bitter Lake Recordings, and founder of Katorga Works)

Here is a list of new releases that really struck a chord with me in 2018.

Big City - S/T CS (Self-Released)

Years in the making, Big City marks the return of the elusive Will Machi, who you may remember as the guitar virtuoso of Rochester hardcore punks Rational Animals. Was I the only person who loved Rational Animals? Most likely, yes. Anyway, here he's teamed up with Max (Hank Wood and the Hammerheads) and Dave (Perrett) to create something entirely different. This full-length cassette draws from the power of the great American rock ‘n’ roll songbook that recalls the best of the 70s, 80s, and 90s without falling prey to uninspired nostalgia. The band already has almost two more newer, better albums recorded, so I imagine people will start to catch on to this band soon enough!

Black Magick SS - Spectral Ecstasy CD (Infinite Wisdom Productions)

This Tasmanian psychedelic/occult rock band is one of my favorite acts of contemporary times. I've gushed endlessly about them before (their 2017 album Kaleidoscope Dreams made my top ten list that year) and here I go again. Like the album before it, the band is moving further and further away from their black metal roots. I don't think Spectral Ecstasy has had quite the same impact on me as Kaleidoscope Dreams, but I am still in love with it. Certainly, not a very palatable band, but I find them to be on the of the most inventive bands of contemporary times.

Condor - Cassette Single #2 CS (Not On Label)

Condor is the newest project of Maxime of Rixe, one of the premier contemporary oi bands in the world. In this one-man band, he explores a more classic French punk sound than his main band. Condor is a bit less polished, a bit less Oi, and, dare I say, even more FRENCH than Rixe, yet still super catchy and is a flawlessly-executed take on the sound. This would fit right in with legendary Chaos En France compilations. Their first cassette single made me a believer, but this cassette is punk perfection with some of the catchiest guitar leads I've heard in years.

Fulber, Rhys - Your Dystopia, My Utopia 2x12" (Sonic Groove)

This record caught me quite off guard. I obviously know Rhys Fulber from his work with Frontline Assembly and I tend to enjoy most releases on Adam X's Sonic Groove label (Adam's newest solo album Recon Mission showcases his love for EBM and is certainly worth checking out, as well!), but I wasn't at all expecting Fulber to be producing essential work this late into his career. Masterfully done industrial techno with, unsurprisingly, the occasional EBM flourish. Maybe I'm partial to this because of some sort of nostalgia, but I love this record!

Hank Wood and the Hammerheads - S/T LP (Toxic State)

This is the long-awaited third LP from NYC punks Hank Wood and the Hammerheads. Over the past decade, no punk band has been more definitively “NEW YORK” than Hammerheads. This record sees the band continuing to develop their songwriting into something more “mature” and even darker. The production is far richer than its predecessor, which happens to perfectly compliment with the more complex guitar and keyboard parts. Hank’s performance is his best since the modern classic Go Home, both more earnest and personal; there is a certain heaviness and world-weariness here that was not found on previous releases. For a band to continue to stay so vital in an increasingly fickle and forgetful world of punk is a true feat, and Hammerheads have graced us with yet another classic rock album. Essential.

Impure - Transfixed In Limbo 7" (Self-Released)

Impure is a new black/death metal band (citing Von, Autopsy, and Beherit as influences) from the masterminds behind Electric Assault Records and Stygian Black Hand, so of course it's going to be excellent. Transfixed In Limbo is the perfect black/death metal single a la Seraphic Decay (at least, that's what the format and aesthetic reminded me of!) and is so endlessly catchy that I can't help but flip the record over and over and over again each time I play it.

Jühning, Herz - Samsara LP (Galakthorrö)

Coming almost a decade after his Miasma album, Herz Jühning released what might be the definitive example of his brilliant meshing of power electronics brutality, wave-minimality, and the experimentation of classic industrial music. Samsara is very much in line with everything that's been coming out on Galakthorrö and it's funny to think that the label has been pegged as having a trademark "sound," as if that would  somehow be a slight against either one of the best industrial labels going or Jühning himself, who has made my favorite and most listened to industrial record of 2018.

Kikagaku Moyo - Masana Temples LP (Guruguru Brain)

Masana Temples is latest album from Tokyo psych rockers Kikagaku Moyo. Their 2016 album House In The Tall Grass has gone on to become one of my favorite records of the past decade. While I don't think this record is quite as perfect as that one, Masana Temples sees the band following the psychedelic path into even more mind-expanding territory, in particular through the band's obsession with South Asia, as the album incorporates even more elements of classical Indian music into their tried-and-true pool of influences including Krautrock, traditional folk, and 60s and 70s psych rock. There are still some serious high points, such as “Fluffy Kosmisch”, which has become one of my favorite Kikagaku Moyo songs. It's rare to hear a good contemporary psych record in this day and age, let alone one as phenomenal as this one.

Robyn - Honey LP (Konichiwa Records)

In a perfect world of my design, Robyn would be the most popular contemporary pop star. Well, fortunately for most (but maybe not Robyn), we are not living in anything close to resembling what I would consider a perfect world. Still, Robyn thrives without (or in spite of) the faux-divine intervention of dorks such as myself and has released yet another pop masterpiece with Honey. It has the familiar Robyn stamp on it, so no one will be disappointed by any sudden revolutionary change, but this album, as a whole, managed to subtly develop her sound in what is the most captivating and enveloping pop records I've heard in the last few years.

Warthog - 4th 7" (Toxic State)

NYC's well-oiled hardcore punk machine unsurprisingly releases yet another winner. Their live shows are so consistently excellent that I'm almost unfazed by them, at this point. Like their last 7" on Beach Impediment (which is my favorite overall), this 7" has far better production than their first two EPs on Iron Lung and Kaverka Derks. You know, it's Warthog...it's good. Also, Warthog has managed to do what most uninspired worship bands have failed to and make one of the best rock n roll songs of the year with “Brainwasher”. I don't know. Whatever.


And, in the era of reissue excess, here are my favorite reissue and archival releases:

Colored Music - S/T LP (WRWTFWW)

The 1981 self-titled album from cult Japanese duo Colored Music was a record I was sadly not acquainted with until it was reissued earlier this year. An incredible mix of cosmic new wave, unconventional disco, avant-garde synth pop, and hybrid electronic funk, Colored Music is enchantingly unique, a sort of experimental and magnetizing take on both David Bowie's Berlin Trilogy and Trevor Horn's visionary new wave machine, all with a very Japanese touch courtesy of fellow collaborators Haruomi Hosono, Yasuaki Shimizu, Jun Fukamachi, etc. It's a weird one, but I cannot recommend it enough!

Gaizin - S/T 7" (General Speech)

As with all General Speech releases, this reissue of this ultra-obscure Sapporo, Japan hardcore punk band is born of a singular passion and genuine obsession with this music not found in many reissue labels. This is for true heads only. Gaizin was a cassette-only band influenced by classic Japanese bands a la Gai and Confuse, as well as the "Sapporo Sound" of more well-known bands like Tranquilizer or the General Speech'd G-Gas. If you're at all interested in any of these Japanese bands, you have to find a way to get your hands on this record that appears to already be out-of-print.

Gania, Maalem Mahmoud - Colours Of The Night 2xLP (Hive Mind Records)

From everything I've read about this release, it technically came out in late 2017, but I didn't actually see it available in shops or from distributors until almost the middle of 2018, so I'm counting it. Morocco's Mahmoud Gania is perhaps the most important figure in 20th century Gnawa music and is a hero of the Guimbri. He was a huge influence on Guimbri player Abderahmane "Paco" Kirouche (one of the Moroccan musicians Jimi Hendrix traveled to play with in 1969), whose band legendary band Nass El Ghiwane helped not only popularize the instrument and style of music, but helped gain some much-needed social acceptance for the predominantly Black and Sufi Gnawa People in an Arab and Sunni-majority Morocco. Most Westerners who would be most familiar with Gania would know him from his collaborative The Trance Of Seven Colors album with the great Pharoah Sanders. Colours Of The Night consists of his final recordings and they're as magical as any I've heard from him. His mastery of the trance-inducing music of the Gnawa people is perhaps some of the finest sacred and devotional music I've ever experienced. رحمة الله عليه

Haus Arafna - Blut - Trilogie Des Blutes | Nachblutung 2xLP (Galakthorrö)

This expanded reissue of Blut, the first Haus Arafna album from 1995, is the first vinyl pressing of any of this material. German power electronics with only hints of the more "angst pop" sound that defines their later releases. Blut is perhaps the roughest of all of the Haus Arafna releases, but it is no less classic than anything else they've done. An essential industrial release that finally sees the light of day on vinyl.

Muslimgauze - Mullah Said 2xLP (Staalplat)

Bryn Jones' Muslimgauze project existed for multiple decades, with Jones churning out over one hundred releases that spanned all different styles within the industrial/electronic/experimental world. As a result, it might be difficult to find the right place in which to become acquainted with Jones' singular vision. I personally am most fond of his classic 80s industrial sound, but a close second for me would be much of his early-to-mid 90s material up until 1999's dub ambient Mullah Said (FYI, Justified Arrogance CEO James K butchered the pronunciation of this title to me once), which may be the last release of his that I truly love. This release is particularly heavy on Middle Eastern string and percussion samples and, as always, rich with Jones' unhealthily obsession with various Middle Eastern conflicts of which he had no legitimate connection too, but, hey, respect to the odd man for speaking out when most others in the West would not.

Sympathy Nervous - S/T LP (Minimal Wave)

A much needed reissue of this 1980 proto-techno/synth masterpiece from the legendary Sympathy Nervous, which was originally released on the cult Vanity label. Most Vanity releases were thought to be unreissueable (a fake word) due to visionary owner Yuzuru Agi's notoriously difficult personality and firm hold over his work. Yet, Veronica Vasicka's Minimal Wave label (the most important synth reissue label, in my book) persevered and has gone ahead and lovingly reissued this groundbreaking record.

Tuffour, Nana - Sikyi Medley 12" (Kalita Records/CC Editions)

Nana Tuffour is another artist I had never heard of before it was reissued. One of the more renowned Ghanian Highlife artists, I initially found this reissue to be a little strange, as it's a four-song 12" compilation that combines two of his most well-known songs and two rarities. My reservations were soon cast aside, as I became obsessed with the ten-minute title track, of which its electronic jubilance made it my most listened to song of 2018.

Vlad Tepes - A Catharsis For Human Illness Box Set (Drakkar Productions)

A Catharsis For Human Illness is a box set of the French Black Metal band Vlad Tepes, who were a founding and integral faction within the Les Légions Noires scene in the city of Brest. The band released a slew of cassettes in the early-to-mid 90s that are now classic examples of the French Black Metal. This box set sees each of these cassette releases remastered and reissued on vinyl for the first time ever. I am by no means a box set guy (I kind of hate them), but this particular set is beautifully spot lacquered and comes with a booklet detailing the band’s history, in-depth explanations to each recording, and exclusive photos. Perhaps an odd way to put it considering the source material, but this box set was an utter joy to consume!

Yokota, Susumu - Acid Mt. Fuji 2xLP (Midgar)

Finally, a vinyl version of Susumu Yokota’s 1994 landmark acid techno/ambient Acid Mt. Fuji. I owned this album on CD as a curious teenager and it remained one of my favorite electronic albums of this style until my 30s, when it was FINALLY pressed to vinyl for the first time ever. It is a singular work that is difficult to place in one easy category, as Yokota guides the listener through his aural interpretation of the Japanese monolith, ebbing and flowing effortlessly between masterful 90s acid techno and a throwback to 80s naturalistic ambient music and new age.

Various Artists - Habibi Funk (An Eclectic Selection Of Music From The Arab World) 2xLP (Habibi Funk)

Habibi Funk's definitive release thus far as a label, this 2xLP compilation culls from serious rarities of artists that often took typical local and regional styles and melded them with popular Western styles (funk, soul, disco, jazz, rock, etc.) to create some of the most wild music to come from various Middle Eastern and North African countries. Beyond a couple of artists, I hadn't heard of ANY of this and I fell in love Habibi Funk five seconds into the first track. It’s a German label, but I’ll bite my tongue and admit there is nothing but heat on this and they did an amazing job! Technically, this was released in December 2017, but it didn't reach most places until at least January 2018, so I'm gonna count it and if you dare try and stop me, Inshallah, you will get the shoe.

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Michael "Cheddar" Quick 
(Guitarist, Candy)

Music -

S.H.I.T. - What Do You Stand For?
Illusion - Magic With A Smile
Deflect - 2018 Promo
Game - Who Will Play?
City Hunter - Deep Blood
Supernatural Psycho - Rendezvous With The Sun
Yves Tumor - Safe In The Hands Of Love

TV

Atlanta
The Deuce

Movies

You Were Never Really Here
Hereditary
The Favorite

Bad year for movies imo, most of my favorites were older movies I had never seen or revisited so I’ll include those:

Once Upon A Time In The West
All The Presidents Men
La Haine
Sicario

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Chase H. Mason 
(Vocals, Gatecreeper / Bass, Spirit Adrift)

Metal top 10:

Hooded Menace - Ossuarium Silhouettes Unhallowed
Hyperdontia - Nexus Of Teeth
Ritual Necromancy - Disinterred Horror
Obliteration - Cenotaph Obscure
Cerebral Rot - Cessation Of Life
Moenen of Xezbeth - Ancient Spells of Darkness...
Torture Rack - Malefic Humiliation
Witchcraft - Nightmare Goetia Demo
Innumerable Forms - Punishment In Flesh
Tomb Mold - Manor of Infinite Forms

Honorable Mentions...

Mournful Congregation – The Incubus of Karma
Mortuous - Through Wilderness
Evoken - Hypnagogia
Corpsessed - Impetus of Death
Skeletal Remains - Devouring Mortality
Mammoth Grinder - Cosmic Crypt
Outer Heaven - Realms Of Eternal Decay
Genocide Pact - Order of Torment

Not Metal Top 10:

Lil Peep - Come Over When You're Sober, Part 2
Tony Molina - Kill The Lights
Freddie Gibbs & Curren$y - Fetti
Warthog - Warthog
Snail Mail - Lush
Beach House - 7
Pusha T - Daytona
Temple Of Angels - Foiled
Candy - Good To Feel
Fantasy Camp - How To Fix Everything

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James Khubiar 
(Founder, Justified Arrogance)

Best Hardcore / Punk LPs

1.) Candy - Good To Feel (Triple B)
2.) Tozcos - Suenos Deceptivos (Verdugo Discos)
3.) Hank Wood & The Hammerheads - Hank Wood & The Hammerheads (Toxic State)

4.) Vein - errorzone (Closed Casket Activities)
5.) Sunshine Ward - Nuclear Ambitions (Bloody Master)
6.) Vile Gash - Nightmare In A Damaged Brain (Youth Attack)
7.) Rata Negra - Justicia Cósmica (La Vida Es Un Mus)

8.) Fucked Up - Dose Your Dreams (Merge)
9.) Suburbanite - Suburbanite (Youth Attack)
10.) Cadaver Dog - Dying Breed (Youth Attack)
11.) Permission - Drawing Breath Through A Hole In The Ground (La Vida Es Un Mus)
12.) Blood Pressure - Surrounded (Beach Impediment)
13.) S.H.I.T. - What Do You Stand For? (La Vida Es Un Mus)
14.) Waste Management - Tried And True (Painkiller)
15.) City Hunter - Deep Blood (Youth Attack)

Honorable Mentions

Terror - Total Retaliation (Pure Noise)
Mindforce - Excalibur (Triple B)
Trail Of Lies - W.A.R. (Edgewood)
King Nine - Death Rattle (Closed Casket Activities)
Turnstile - Time & Space (Roadrunner)


Best Metal Releases

1.) Innumerable Forms - Punishment In Flesh (Profound Lore)
2.) Mammoth Grinder - Cosmic Crypt (Relapse)
3.) Akitsa - Credo (Hospital Productions)
4.) Sleep - The Sciences (Third Man)
5.) Siege Column - Inferno Deathpassion (Nuclear War Now)
6.) Tomb Mold - Manor of Infinite Forms (20 Buck Spin)
7.) Genocide Pact - Order of Torment (Relapse)
8.) One Tail, One Head - Worlds Open, Worlds Collide (Terratur Possessions)
9.) Moenen of Xezbeth - Ancient Spells of Darkness... (Nuclear War Now)
10.) Hooded Menace - Ossuarium Silhouettes Unhallowed (Season Of Mist)

Honorable Mentions

Uniform & The Body - Mental Wounds Not Healing (Sacred Bones)
Craft - White Noise and Black Metal (Season of Mist)
Uniform - The Long Walk (Sacred Bones)
Mournful Congregation - The Incubus Of Karma (20 Buck Spin)


Best Rap / Hip-Hop / R&B Releases

1.) Pusha T - Daytona (G.O.O.D. Music)
2.) Cardi B - Invasion of Privacy (Atlantic)
3.) Lil Peep - Come Over When You're Sober Pt. 2 (Columbia)
4.) Jorja Smith - Lost & Found (FAMM)
5.) Future - Beast Mode 2 (Freebandz)
6.) 03 Greedo - God Level (Alamo)
7.) Nas - Nasir (G.O.O.D. Music)
8.) Juice Wrld & Future - Wrld on Drugs (Interscope)
9.) The Weeknd - My Dear Melancholy, (XO)
10.) Migos - Culture II (Capitol)

Honorable Mentions

Lil Baby - Harder Than Ever (4PF)
Sheck Wes - Mudboy (G.O.O.D. Music)

Kanye West - Ye (G.O.O.D. Music)

Young Thug - On The Rvn (300 Entertainment)

Best Releases In Open Competition

1.) Kamasi Washington - Heaven and Earth (Young Turks)
2.) Prince - Piano & A Microphone 1983 (NPG)
3.) Robyn - Honey (Konichiwa)
4.) Spiritualized - And Nothing Hurt (Bella Union)
5.) Nothing - Dance On The Blacktop (Relapse)
6.) Young Guv - 2 Sad 2 Funk (NIGHT SCHOOL)
7.) Iceage - Beyondless (Escho)
8.) Tony Molina - "Kill The Lights" (Slumberland)
9.) Beach House - 7 (Sub Pop)
10.) US Girls - In A Poem Unlimited (4AD)
11.) Snail Mail - Lush (Matador)
12.) The Soft Moon - Criminal (Sacred Bones)
13.) Mitski - Be The Cowboy (Dead Oceans)
14.) Marie Davidson - Working Class Woman (Ninja Tune)
15.) Camp Cope - How To Socialise & Make Friends (Run For Cover)

Honorable Mentions

Kacey Musgraves - Golden Hour (MCA Nashville)
Courtney Barnett - Tell Me How You Really Feel (Milk!)
Kelly Moran - Ultraviolet (Warp)
Empress Of - Us (Terrible)


Best Electronic Releases

1.) Ancient Methods - The Jericho Records (Self-Released)
2.) Varg - Nordic Flora Series Pt.5: Crush (Posh Isolation)
3.) Silent Servant - Shadows Of Death And Desire (Hospital Productions)
4.) Delroy Edwards - Rio Grande (L.A. Club Resource)
5.) Container - LP (Spectrum Spools)

6.) Cienfuegos - Autogolpe (Long Island Electrical Systems)
7.) Sophie - Oil of Every Pearl's Un-Insides (MSMSMSM)
8.) DJ Koze - Knock Knock (Pampa)

9.) Gas - Rausch (Kompakt)
10.) Fret - Silent Neighbour (Long Island Electrical Systems)

Honorable Mentions

Delroy Edwards - Aftershock (Long Island Electrical Systems)
Skee Mask - Compro (Ilian Tape)
Ron Morelli - Disappearer (Hospital Productions)
Kyo with Jeuru - All The Same Dream (Posh Isolation)


Best Hardcore / Punk EPs

1.) Warthog - Warthog (Toxic State)
2.) Mil-Spec - Changes (Lockin Out)
3.) Tragedy - Fury (Tragedy)
4.) Ekulu - Ekulu (Triple B)
5.) Subdued - 4 Track EP (La Vida Es Un Mus)
6.) Shipwrecked - SWD (Pretty Shitty Town)
7.) Illusion - Magic With A Smile (Lockin Out)
8.) Restraining Order - Restraining Order (New Age)
9.) Sial - Binasa (La Vida Es Un Mus)
10.) Deadlock - Deadlock (Painkiller)

Honorable Mentions

Arms Race - The Beast (Painkiller)
Exotica - Musique Exotique #03 (La Vida Es Un Mus)
Pure Pressure - Relàmpago De Furia (Painkiller)
The Flex - Flexual Healing Vol 7: Perhaps The War Is Over? Perhaps It's Peace? (Quality Control HQ)


Best Demos

1.) Stigmatism (Montreal, Canada + NYC)

2.) Lifeless Dark (Boston, MA)

3.) Born Sinner (New York City, NY)

4.) Raw Brigade (Bogota, Colombia)

5.) Innocent (Boston, MA)

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Best Sets I Saw This Year

1.) Power Trip @ The Evil Beat Vol. 1 in Dallas, Texas (November 10th)
2.) Mammoth Grinder @ St. Vitus in Brooklyn, New York (March 2nd)
3.) Candy @ Brooklyn Bazaar in Brooklyn, New York (October 12th)
4.) Lil Ugly Mane @ Brooklyn Bazaar in Brooklyn, New York (November 5th)
5.) Vein @ This Is Hardcore in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (July 27th)

RIP Todd Youth

I knew Todd. Not well. I know people who knew him better. I wasn't on the Lower East Side with him way back when and I didn't play in a band with him. I suppose that isn't the point though. We crossed paths a couple years ago after he told me he was a fan of the Justified Arrogance Instagram page (in truth probably because I posted about him so often). Every now and again, there'd be brief messages, mere acknowledgements of appreciation. Every single exchange I couldn't contain myself. Todd Youth, the mastermind behind Warzone, the guy who played with more legends than I could count, knew who I was and talked to me. In the times we spoke, I never asked any personal questions. I was too afraid to. Everything I know about Todd is the music he wrote, the stuff everyone else knows him for. It wasn't until later that people would tell me little things about his life, the random things you heard in passing.

That's the point of a life in death, isn't it? We're defined by our successes. The milestones. The plaques on the wall. The trophies on the mantle. In death, we're given the benefit of perfection. But beyond the music, Todd "Youth" Schofield lived a flawed life. I don't say that to impugn him, quite the contrary, I say it because it is the very reason why Todd Youth was one of the toughest souls that ever lived.

Born in 1971, Todd Youth immediately gravitated toward the hardcore punk scene living on the streets of the Lower East Side. He learned to play music at the legendary A7 in New York City. By the time he was 12 years old, he was filling in on bass for Antidote as well as playing bass for Agnostic Front. By age 15, he was a founding member of the band he would become most famous for: Warzone. Shortly after that, he would leave Warzone and join Murphy's Law. These are just a few of the parade of bands Todd would appear in. He would also play for Samhain, Danzig, Chrome Locust, Motorhead, D Generation, Glen Campbell, Fireburn, and Son of Sam. 

This isn't about the bands Todd played in. That's not important. Music is a lot of things to a lot of people. What it is, above all else, is a vehicle to describe a way we're feeling at a specific time and place in life. When we hear a certain song, we can close our eyes, and, for a brief fleeting moment, we're taken back to a different life in an another world. In that time, we feel like we can get it back. That's the curse of hardcore punk. It isn't about the moments we live in. It's about the moments we hope beyond hope we can get back. Todd's journey as a musician wasn't one chronicled in careerism or avarice. It was a personal search. With each project, he challenged himself to rise to the occasion. Be it sharing the stage with Lemmy in 2003 or playing behind Danzig in the late 90s. It was exactly who he was when he found his way into A7. He was a boy among men. Later he would become a star among immortals. He was never intimidated by the challenges life threw at him and he never ceased trying to challenge himself. He was angry and had something to prove. The trouble with someone who is always looking for a challenge is that the reality is they're challenging themselves the whole time. For every accolade, for every conquest, it's simply a level up toward the fight against themselves. The process of improvement so they can be more efficient at destroying themselves.

Hardcore equips us for a lot of things. It teaches us to be self-reliant, to stand our ground and fight back against anyone who should push us around, and, in a double-edged sword borne of raw naïveté, it teaches us to walk with our demons, not defeat them. In the best of times, this makes us stronger than we've ever known. In the heat of battle, we can summon strength we never thought possible. In the quiet lulls, we draw inspiration to create work that entire schools could try and fail to replicate. But in the darkest moments, our demons will devour us. It's the devil's bargain we all make to be a part of this. For all the gifts hardcore has given us, it refused to give us the one that so many of us came here for in the first place: inner peace and reconciliation. We need to hear that it's okay. We need to believe that it's okay. Todd never stopped moving in the quest to hear that existential affirmation. He created work that will last forever. More than that, his life painted a juxtaposition of sadness that few will ever truly understand. The brighter the star shines, the darker the shadow cast. He spanned a career running from himself and, in his wake, he left a trail of great music. They were the breadcrumbs of his internal struggle. Every band, every song was another chapter toward his pursuit for peace and reconciliation.

I finally understand Todd's journey and his search. I'm almost 33. My body is beginning to fail me and my health has started to turn on me. Some of the best friendships I've had in my life have long since eroded and disintegrated. I often wonder about the things I've done and rarely about the things I'm going to do. I think about all of that and then I throw on Don't Forget The Struggle, Don't Forget The Streets and for, a brief moment, it's like none of it ever ended: I'm back in Denton, Texas having beers with my friends on a Friday afternoon talking about everything and nothing, the world itself faded away and the only thing that mattered was us and then all at once it's gone again. We all know that feeling in one form or another. We want so badly to be a part of something special. When we find it, we hold on to it as tightly as possible and, in futility, we try to hold on for that extra second, praying that second will last forever. Once it's gone, the desire to get that feeling back becomes everything. We need that feeling to stave off the demons that brought us to that feeling in the first place. It is the catch-22 that plays for keeps. Todd knew this feeling better than anyone. He built NYHC at the ground floor, was a founding member of the Lower East Side Crew, helped write some of the most important hardcore anthems of all time. He wasn't just a part of something special. He was special.

From the Lower East Side to Hollywood, Todd lived a dozen lives. He did more in one lifetime than a sea of people could ever hope to do. All the while, he didn't stop searching. They say that there is a peace in death that we can never find in life. I don't know where Todd is right now, all I hope is that he's found that peace. One where the demons are finally gone, nothing hurt, and that moment will last forever.

RIP Todd Youth

1971 - 2018